The last few days my depression has given me a few days off after a complete breakdown, and I have discovered many things as to the way my brain functions. It is eye opening to realize the things that we feel are important only to then comprehend that they are not nearly as relevant as we believed them to be. Over the last few days I’ve come to realize that while it is entertaining, technology is not always a benefit to our lives. For myself it had become quite toxic. After a devastating fight with my wife on Monday last week, Sarina and I decided that I needed to take a break from the things that were strangling my life. I took a break from my phone, took myself out of the situation, and had some meaningful conversations with my parents that I begun to see things more clearly. First, technology can be a wonderful tool. Sometimes, it becomes so much a part of our lives that we don’t know how to function without it. It was while spending three days with my parents and leaving my cell phone at home that I had a very rude awakening.
First without my cell phone I was compelled to talk with my parents, we discussed so many different things, politics, religion, wounds and pain. We talked on their patio for many hours. It was liberating to speak freely and honestly. To delve into our past and ask and receive forgiveness. It was liberating to realize that this was a part of my life that I desperately missed. The human contact and the conversation was something that my life missed. Since the puppies had been born and I had reduced my hours at work, Sarina and I had thrown ourselves into working whenever it was busy. One of us was always running off to cover appointments and business needs. While, it was great to increase our finances, we also walked farther away from the things that made us strong as a couple. Exhausted from sleepless nights while dealing with the young puppies, we then staggered into work to massage people one right after another. We worked together, yet hardly spoke about relevant things. We arrived home more exhausted then we departed and fell into the routine of using the TV to entertain us and relax. We fell away from the things that we most loved and while the rest of the family wasn’t affected, however, I found that my mental health deteriorated and I felt my sanity slip away. The over stimulation from TV and other technology made my anxiety worse.
Second, as I suffer from depression and anxiety I learned of an activity tracker that also monitored “heart rate”, might be a useful tool. While the other members of my family love this concept to monitor their activity I have been very interested in to correlation between heart rate and anxiety levels and trying to understand if my insomnia affects my anxiety. My brother has used an activity tracker to lose over 100 lbs in the last year. He monitors his food and exercise to help motivate him and keep him on track. Sarina has used a different activity tracker that reminds her to “move” if she sits for to long and gets immersed in FaceBook. I am not really interested in fitness and I could care less about exercise at this particular moment in my life. However, I am hoping the monitoring will assist me in identifying “stressors” and “trends” that I can use to decipher what triggers my mental issues. I hope that by purchasing this activity tracker I can monitor my heart rate as a way of averting anxiety crisis. So far this has been successful, during a stressful situation yesterday I was able to look at my “watch” and see where my heart rate was, I could take my herbs and breath and then if needed take some more. It was very validating to witness the heart rate drop as I calmed down and talked about the things that were stressing me out. I really find it interesting to know that this activity tracker may help me monitor my anxiety. (I will continue to keep you posted as to the progress, however, as I am unsure as to the results I will only give credit to companies I know are effective for their products or services)
We had a wonderful day with the family on Easter and Lili and I decorated our new plants with rocks from All-Star Materials. After planting these partial sun annuals, we added stones that we received from Jon Shannon as samples of how landscaping stones could enhance our gardens and plants. Lili is completely responsible for the layout and artistic design of the stones. We have put the stones in plants and vases so far. (I can’t wait to see what we think of next)
We are extremely grateful that 5 out of the 6 puppies have found their Furever homes, and we have enjoyed stalking them on FaceBook and knowing just how happy everyone is. (Both 2 legged and 4 legged family members)
We were sad to know that our princess was the only puppy without a Furever home to go to the following day but we definitely enjoyed watching her play with her momma.
In celebration of a wonderful day off I spent the morning asking questions at Summer Winds and decided that another issue I have been having was that I hadn’t had enough time in our garden. So after spreading lettuce seeds all over the garden and covering it with organic compost I decided to redo the drip system and ….
Plant some food!
I am so glad that there is room for a lot more veggies!
I am really grateful to everyone who follows us and supports our growth. I am pleased to announce that within the month our LLC will be formed and we will continue pursuing our gardening business.