This morning’s doctor appointment was preempted by a lot of anxiety and sprouts of depression. However, on the morning of the appointment there was nothing other than peace. Sarina and I had discussed all the possible outcomes and had a plan for every possible scenario, so there was nothing more to do than go through the motions… (laughing to myself, although awkwardly and with limited range of motion) We arrived at the Urgent Care that also had Physical Therapy building attached to the building. I was relieved with the prospect of having an alternative to just “popping pills”. I have nothing bad to say about the facility or the staff. They humored my nervous sarcasm and whit, and were patient when asking medical history questions when my wife needed to remind me that “Yes, dear, depression and anxiety are part of your medical history.” (To think I admit to my mental illness so much that I often forget to include it when talking to medical professionals and rarely see their surprised expression when I reply, “No, I don’t take anything for it daily.” Today I knew that all the pieces would fall into place the way they were meant to. I was impressed by this doctor, she listened to me for the first 10 minutes or so as I described all of my concerns to the injury. I was concerned that all the medication was out of my system and I was beginning to hurt right before the doctor came in, Sarina reminded me that it was the most honest assessment.
I won’t bore everyone with the details, I will just say she was very thorough with her examination. She took a more “Eastern Medicine” approach as she didn’t just look at the immediate pain and looked for the actual cause of the “nerve pain”. She took x-rays and found the problem to be in my neck. She did find tendonitis in other places. However, she felt the stem issue was the neck and the force I exerted in the massage in the position I was in when the injury occurred. Answers, she also did not believe I would need surgery and could regain 100% performance if I took the time to heal and didn’t push it.
For me this will be a test of “patience”. I will also have to learn how not to be deep, and when I can’t do something I will have to be honest and realize that I can’t and won’t hurt myself for anyone ever again. I forgive myself, I love myself and I am worth it. Today, I leave the past behind me and start a new journey. I can only deal with and cope with what I can. The past is the past and there is only today.
I’m not sure where this will lead, I do know where I came from and I won’t go back there again. I may get lost but I will keep moving and taking one step at a time.
For the original post read it HERE.