I am pretty sure there are lots of different degrees of “happiness” and “Hell”. The feeling I get when I put my hands in the dirt, then watch my plants grow is euphoria! I can’t put these feelings into words. There is a pride that on a much lesser scale is like children. Many of us who are passionate about gardening and get outraged when our plants wither and die, we lose our minds when things don’t go as planned, in hindsight, maybe this is part of the depression, or maybe it is just how much effort and nurturing it takes to build, water, weed and maintain a garden that makes us combust when a feral cat gets in and poops in our sanctuary. For myself, I can’t stand it, I understand the need to have animals and have them cohabitate with us, I do not understand letting them loose to roam and mate all over the neighborhood. (ok I got off topic, it happens, I’m pretty sure I have adult ADHD, squirrel.) The point I was trying to make was there is disappointment in all aspects of life, it easy to focus on the things that go wrong, the ass kicking we are receiving from the world around us. This is in our DNA, and our nature.
After a morning filled with anxiety and feeling like a failure, my eldest daughter Tay came over to hang out with her Dad. (I realize that this is not the ideal way for a 21 year old to spend her night.) We talked a lot about was going on in our lives. We watched the doggies play, and while the house was eerily quiet, we sat and talked for hours. We discussed changes we’d both like to see in the other’s lives, it was precious and heartfelt, we both wanted the same things. It was rewarding to see the blond curly girl that once cried every time I was around her grow into such an amazing woman. It’s hard to remain positive when you’ve been as hurt as we both have been. We have both seen the ugly that life has to offer, we’ve always told each other that we would always be there when we needed the other, Yesterday, we both had words the other needed to hear. The consensuses was that we had both gotten away from “who we were”. We had begun to talk and focus on the “bullshit”, neither of us was “Negative Nancy”, we needed to return to who we were and get back to our roots. We watched a movie, validated the other and smoothed away our insecurities. We managed to travel through the past without getting lost and managed to pull the “positives” from the road we had traveled. It was not an easy, but, we managed to talk ourselves through it. After a night of intense healing we debated “Nature Vs. Nurture”. We laughed and decided everyone deserved a chance..
So this post is a dedication to the journey I have travelled and the wonderful moments I have had over the last few weeks. Here’s to a new life that meditates and focuses on what I do have, rather than what I don’t. I will never be the perfect Husband and Father. My kids will leave this Earth better than they found it though, and of that I can be proud! I will “Blow it”, “loose my shit”, and “freak out”. Today, is all I can control and today I’d rather smile.
So here are some of the cool things we are working on!
After seeing the HUGE tomatoes growing near the compost in the Key Garden we decided to try more “mini composts” in the key garden!
We took the pot our Apple Tree came in and filled it with compost material then added dirt and a sprayer and then buried it in the ground! This will add so many nutrients to the soil! Once we add the pergola and the new plants in a few months this will be an amazing place to sit and relax!
We are pleased to see the growth of the apple tree! I am so glad I put it in a pot and didn’t decide to try and put it in the ground just because it was “Earth Day”!
We also made a flower arrangement!
These are some of the good things going on with us! What’s happening with you?