Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

Sometimes the answers are found in the most unlikely places. A stranger, a friend, when you feel the most lost, when you turn your music on shuffle, thinking you will find only the same depression you feel in your heart. That moment when every inch of your flesh is covered in what the Dutch call, “chicken skin” American’s call it “goose bumps”. Just when you think you have lost everything there is that moment when you sing and dance as the rain falls down, and just when I think I have the words to write this post I am shocked again. Lili puts a picture of a little girl that is sick and shivering with the words across the top, “I love you Dab”. So I will find some way out of this darkened cloud to write about love and light. Today, I found lots of love where I didn’t expect to find it. I’ll keep that story for later. It was mind blowing.

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I have been spiralling into a deep dark oblivion since my injury early this month. I am sure that my wife is tired of hearing about it so for now I will try and redeem myself and do something positive. Regain some shell of the person that I am, the one that lost himself in this terrible depression and pain that I have experienced. I will no longer own this pain and let it define me… “Sometimes Darkness can show you the light.” Disturbed… I am done feeling sorry for myself, I may have to reinvent myself. That’s been the theme of the last two years. So let’s go with it. I am going to stop focusing on what I can’t do and focus on what I can do. Let’s get back to my garden. My loves, and my family.

I am blessed, loved beyond what I deserve. I fight everyday to get out of bed. I have a wife who loves me no matter how flawed I am. My kids love on me and help me battle through the mental illness that has plagued me for the last few years. I have friends who care about how I am doing. They don’t always ask, but, I know they care. How do I know? I can see it in their faces when they see me. People love me. My life matters.

I am so glad that it decided to rain today, it fits my mood and waters my plants. I can’t wait to see the growth over the next couple of days.

There are a lot of common issues that present themselves when gardening in the desert. Bugs and the heat seem to be the most common issues. In this post I will focus on the two issues and how in this house we decided to remedy the situations. A majority of our plants survived the freezing temperatures and so we decided to keep the progress up.

The forecast over the next couple of days is HOTĀ nearing 100 degrees. I am so glad my son was home today to help me put up the shades.

A quick recap of what was started about 2 months ago…

starting out

One week later…

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And now this week…

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Lili counted over 150 tomatoes, Sarina counted 15 cucumbers that are not pictured. We can’t tell you how many different types of guards we counted, zucchini, spaghetti squash, pumpkins, and watermelon.

Now we are cooler when we sit outside and I have my “coffee sanctuary” back where I can reiterate the “No talkie before coffee” rule.

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Our newest member to the family, an Anne Apple tree we potted was moved under the shade screens because her leaves were burning. So even though the lady at the nursery treated me like an idiot for asking her if the tree was “Arizona full sun or California full sun?” I’m glad we put her in a pot and were able to move her.

My son and I also shaded our cinder block garden. I want to just take a moment and remind us all what it looked like after Lili and I replanted it a couple of months ago….

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Recently it looked like this…

PicMonkey Collage cinderblock

With the weather change so drastic we had to pull all the lettuce and dispose of it, the leaves were tough and bitter.

Today after we put up the sun shades we are happy with the way it looks.

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I think I like remembering where things started….

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With a friend…

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Who happened to work forĀ All Star Materials. He inspired me with, “We can do this!”

My wife Sarina who puts up with me when my mind goes “crazy”. While some way grabbing the significance of my perpetual need to be thankful for the last year and continually needing to get better.

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My son who still hugs me when I need a hug.

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My Daughter who reminds me I am a good dad…

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Then there’s the one who reminds me in this family we dance to music no one else hears…

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So we just dance because no one is watching….

And grow food… So we know where it comes from.

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2 Comments

  1. Taylor

    This made me cry I love you dad!

    Reply
  2. Jonathan

    I love you my friend!

    Reply

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